| Computer Repair
Technician |
Just when your
romance hits a high note, he’ll tell
you that you have insufficient RAM and leave you for a newer model with a P4, 2 gig
drive and more cache. |
| |
| Roto-Rooter
Engineer |
Would you want
to wash those clothes?
In addition, anybody who works with an extendable rotating reamer eight hours a
day probably lacks something in the way of sexual enthusiasm at night. |
| |
| Lounge Singer |
He’ll wine you, dine you,
seduce you, then ask you where you’re from and if you’re having a good time this evening. |
| |
| Undertaker |
He may be tall, dark and handsome, but you’re going to get a contact high from the formaldehyde he uses instead of cologne. (Note: for some reason, Medical Examiners are acceptable heroes; can’t figure out why, because they perform essentially the same functions. An undertaker just doesn’t put the stuff back!) |
| |
| Court Bailiff |
It’s distracting to hear “all rise” at a moment of physical excitement. |
| |
| City Transit Bus Driver |
He’ll be as accommodating as all get-out when you’re dating and take you wherever you want to go, but once you marry him it’s “Out of Service”. |
| |
| Hair Stylist |
There’s no way a guy can look sexy with a roller in his hand and a clip stuck in his mouth. He probably knows all the best gossip, too. But on the positive side, you can say goodbye to bad hair days. |
| |
| Dentist |
It’s fine for a hero to slide his finger over your sensual lower lip and let you wrap your tongue around it. It’s icky if he puts his fingers in your mouth while they’re holding a high-speed drill. Root canals are not sexy, and besides when he comes home at night, how can you look at his hands and not wonder where they’ve been? |
| |
| Male Model |
As a rule, most women prefer not to date a guy who is prettier than they are. Unless, of course, they can fit into his clothes. |
| |
| Any Salesman |
There are plenty of villains around who are salesmen which tells you something right there! But I have yet to read about a hero who tries to convince the heroine that she needs to buy his product! And in bed, just imagine hearing “...but wait, there’s more!” |
| |
| Mr. Butt Cleavage |
If he’s showing it, it ain’t worth looking at. A true hero has slim hips and tight, well-fitting jeans hugging buttocks hard enough to hammer nails. When bending over, his T-shirt will slide up exposing a firmly muscled back. No place do we see pale cheeks. Major ick factor. |
| |
| Gynecologist |
Speaks for itself. Hard to love a guy who REALLY knows you from the inside out!! |
| |
|
Herpetologist (Or any '–ologist' who studies creepy-crawlies) |
Could you trust him not to bring his work home? (Note: veterinarians are acceptable heroes; mention is seldom made of their slithery patients, just the cuddly, fuzzy ones, or the rescued mutt who turns out to be a cross between Lassie and RinTinTin.) |
| |
| TV Anchorman |
Not really good at spontaneous conversation without a tele-prompter, and might interrupt a sensual moment by announcing “I’ll be right back after these messages”. Would also require make-up and hair stylists every morning. Very intimidating when you’re sporting the latest in raccoon eyewear and a 6:30am ‘do’ that would bring tears of envy to the eyes of Medusa. |
| |
| Bank Teller |
His idea of safe sex is asking for two forms of identification. |
| |
| Blacksmith |
Regency fans know he is a victim of the class system. Otherwise, prime hero material - after all, he can keep a fire stoked and has the best set of tools around. |
| |
| Professional Dog Handler |
It's impossible to maintain the sexy hero image when trotting around the ring next to something that looks like a dust bunny with legs. Raw liver treats in his pockets are a turn-off, as well. |
| |
| Shepherd |
As historical readers know, this guy gets plenty of outdoors time, but when it comes to loving the heroine, too baaaaaaaad! |
| |
| Postman/Delivery Guy |
I don't know why - there's enough jokes around about the fertility of the mailman! Must have something to do with the shorts they wear in summer. |
| |
| Astronaut |
Talk about a high! Airplane test pilots are OK, but perhaps writers worry that astronauts lose some neurons while orbiting. It's a shame - think what a talented writer could do with a "re-entry" scene... |
| |
| Commercial Fisherman |
Other than George Clooney in "A Perfect Storm" or the Gloucester Fisherman on that packet of fish sticks, can you think of one? Besides that yellow slicker hat looks downright silly! |
